The Intersection of Life Stories

Part 5 of a series on my experiences at The Great Escape

Every person is a life story and something significant happens when life stories intersect with one another.

I experienced this in a powerful way a few weeks ago at The Great Escape (week-long middle school retreat) during one of the evening talks. The evening speaker, Matt Chambers (@MattChambrs), shared snapshots from chapters of his life story. More specifically, he talked about the birth and early years of his third child named Jude. He shared that Jude was born with a disability and then suffered intense seizures that led to extensive brain damage.

Matt went beyond describing what happened with Jude.

Matt proceeded to describe what he had experienced during those tragic moments.

Matt opened up and shared that he felt numb when he realized what was happening to his son. He described how he wanted to feel but he couldn’t make himself feel. He then revealed that he became angry and hated himself for not being able to feel. He wanted to feel but he couldn’t. This led to a higher level of frustration the midst of the struggle.

Later in the talk, Matt shared the other side of the story. He described how Jude taught him how to trust because his son was always open with others. Jude’s picture on the screen showed a boy who seemingly didn’t have a care in the world because he had that level of trust. In the midst of this sharing, I sensed that Matt also learned how to love unconditionally in light of Jude’s unconditional love for him.

As Matt was speaking, I thought, “I have felt these feelings in my life with my little sister Taryn.”

My life story had intersected with Matt’s life story in that moment…

I was awe-struck by the flood of emotions, feelings and thoughts that ran through me.

I realized that I have felt numb when I recalled what happened to her when Taryn was a mere 22 hours old. I have shared this part of my story with my church, Restoration Church, in my sermons and in other contexts. Taryn was born normal on January 2nd, 1978 but, 22 hours into her life, a nurse almost suffocated her by accident while carrying her and she suffered major brain damage. She incurred a series of intense seizures that inflicted additional brain damage. She has suffered with a severe case of cerebral palsy as a result of these horrific events.

I become numb every time I reflect on her life and what happened. I have asked God to help me feel but I have not been able to push through the barrier toward actually feeling pain and anger. I may not be Taryn’s father but I still felt a STRONG connection to Matt’s word about feeling numb when he wanted to do more. I don’t know. Perhaps I wish that I could have helped Taryn and prevented what happened. I was just under 20 months old when Taryn was born so I obviously did not have the ability as a 20-month old child to do anything but I wonder if deep down inside I wish that I could have done something.

I was stunned as a listened to Matt share.

My heart and mind then went to a place that I haven’t been able to able to go. As Matt was speaking I thought, “Have I ever let myself be angry at God for what happened?” I reflected on my life and I could not remember being angry with God about this. In fact, the more that I tried to recall a moment of anger the more numb that I felt. I then remembered how I have always moved to the positives that have come out of Taryn’s life without slowing down to feel the pain of what happened to her. It is a lot easier to say, “God brought so much good out of a horrible situation” than “I am angry with God for letting this happen and I don’t know what to do with that.”

I realized in that moment that I needed to have a honest conversation with God about what had happened to Taryn. 

I tried in the moment to pray but I still could not break through the barrier of numbness. Later that night, I shared with the circle of students at the BTT (Bed Time Talk) about my struggle and questions. I didn’t have an answer and I still do not have an answer. I am still searching for why I can’t bring myself to be angry with God and be honest with him about this anger.

We asked the students to be honest with their questions and doubts. Now God was asking me to be honest with him about my questions and doubts regarding what happened to my little sister. I wrestled with this the rest of the week. I met with a friend over breakfast last week to hear how he has dealt with his anger in light of what happened to his daughter. He encouraged me to write a letter to God and include my raw feelings. I am going to do that and see what happens.

That breakfast was another intersection of life stories…

To what extent do you realize that you are a life story and that something significant can happen every time your story intersects with someone else’s story?

How can your shared experiences help you see your life and God in a new light?

Perhaps God wants to bring his healing, hope and restoration to you through another person’s story intersecting with yours.

God ignited that possibility at The Great Escape through Matt Chambers for me.

What could God be lining up for you?

Processing an Encounter with God

I returned home 2 day ago from a short-term mission trip to Latvia with Camp Hope (http://www.hffworldwide.org) and I am just beginning to process what I experienced.

I have been asked, “How was the trip?” numerous times and I have been able to share some initial memories and ideas. I haven’t, however, been able to give a response that comes to close to capturing even a small percentage of how much God impacted me on this trip.

I remember having this same feeling during my high school years when I returned from short-term urban mission trips to Philadelphia, Chicago and Jackson. My youth pastor Mike Flavin had equipped the families and friends, however, with specific questions to ask the mission team members when they returned home. I recall having deep conversations about my encounters with God as I processed those trips.

Today, I find myself searching for words to describe the seemingly infinite feelings that are rushing through me as I consider my time with Camp Hope Latvia. I will be sharing these feelings in the coming days on this blog as I seek to process what I experiencing on the other side of the world.

The team leader, Amy Foley, provided a set of debrief questions for the team while we were still in Latvia. I worked through the following questions for our team debrief:

• What was the best thing about the trip?
• What was the hardest part for you?
• What did God teach you?
• What are you going to do about it, and when?
• Share an answered prayer
• A good goal is to be able to effectively describe your experience in a sentence or two. How would you describe your experience?

These questions are excellent questions to ask someone who has returned from any short-term mission trip.

If you know someone who just returned from Latvia then I recommend asking some of these questions as opposed to simply, “How was the trip?” I recommend that you seek to schedule an hour (or more) with that person and ask them these questions. Simply sit and listen to the responses. Perhaps you will enter into the window that person’s encounter with God on the trip. I anticipate that you will be encouraged and challenged by what you experience in that conversation.

I am struggling to find words to describe what I experienced but I will try in the coming days. Thank you for being willing to listen. I would love to hear from you if you have any questions for me regarding what I experienced with the team of Latvians and Americans on this life-giving trip of service.